Friday, 31 January 2020

Can't get in the swing

I'm stitching, I'm knitting but I can't seem to get back into the swing of taking photos and blogging about it.

This is a little cardigan I knitted for Jacob before he was born, put in a drawer and forgot about until I was having a sort out.  All I had to to was sew on the buttons.

I didn't have seven buttons the same but I think it came out ok this way :-) when he wore it the other day to the mother and baby group Joanne said she had loads of compliments  on it :-)

I've started to pack some quick knitting into my bag on the day's I pick Oliver up from school.  I had quite a collection of cotton waiting to be made into dishcloths, perfect quick portable, no brain power needed knitting :-)

At this rate I will have used up all my dishcloth yarn in no time :-)

Other goings on....

I told you last time how I had arranged care twice a day for my mum, she was put on an emergency care package for six weeks, here in the UK that first six weeks of care is free, after that there is another assessment to see if you are still in need of that care, if you are, then you are required to contribute towards the cost of care provided, but if they decide that you are managing, then the care is stopped.

Mum had her assessment yesterday afternoon and the conclusion was that she was able to look after herself and the care would stop the next day.  Mum is not entirely happy, but we have been telling her that unless she makes use of the care offered it would be taken away.  She will not let them wash or dress her, she was still doing that herself before they came in the morning, (sometimes no one arrived until 10AM and she will not sit around in her nightclothes until that time), but like the assessor said, they encourage independence and if she could dress herself, great, if she couldn't then she would wait until the carer came in.  Some day they were only there 10 minutes each visit and made mum a cup of tea and warmed her lunch up at dinner time.  I can quite understand why they have stopped the care, it would be a very expensive cup of tea!

We can of course go down the route of private carers, if we chose that option we could be more certain of the times they would visit, but again, mum would not allow them to wash and dress her so it would be an even more expensive cup of tea!

What to do!  I can totally understand that mum does not want a stranger washing and dressing her, on the other hand I also agree that if she is doing these things herself then she is showing that she does not need the care.  That's not to say she doesn't struggle, she does, but even if it takes her half an hour to get dressed, she can do it.
We all help with meals and she has two meals a week delivered but I am in the process of getting her to order more meals to be delivered so that she can have something hot at lunchtime too, that way she won't have to bother doing something herself.   It's all very stressful and mum seems to be getting more confused the more things are in place, we have noticed recently that her short term memory is not what is used to be, she has made hard work of her tablets being sorted into a blister pack, honestly, it's such a simple way of doing it and I'm not sure if she genuinely forgets how it works when I've gone or she is not paying attention because she doesn't want to do it that way.  It's worrying because there were three tablets missing from the tea time section on Wednesday and she didn't know where they had gone!  She was adamant that she had not taken them, but who knows.  

Sorry to go on about this, I know that there are many of you in a very similar situation and know how hard it is trying to get someone to change the way they do things and work with new ideas so that it helps all concerned, it's taking up a lot of my time and brain space at the moment, I hope things will settle in to a better routine very soon, for all our sanity, lol.

See you soon, take care



Jackie said...

What a lovely sweater!!

I hope you find a way to get your Mom the help that she probably needs. I really think that our parents just don't see that they really need the little bit of extra help.

God bless.

Clare-Aimetu said...

Those buttons are gorgeous - when life is busy it's hard to blog. It's hard isn't it as our parents age, we had so many similar conversations with my Dad. He did accept the help over time as he wanted to stay in his own home and help was the only way. My Hubby's Mum has had her life changed, we all have, the last few months, I'm not sure where all that is going. Hugs to you all x x

Poppypatchwork said...

I watched my mother decline 14 years ago, it's a sad time, the strong woman who has been there all your life, ebbs away bit by bit. You need support yourself, so if we can help, even only as an ear for your feelings. love the knitted jacket, and the buttons were a brillant idea.

Jo said...

You don't have to apologise, you're not going on about it, it's such a hard situation to be in. It's awful seeing our parents age, especially when they're not in the best of health and when they start losing their independence too, it's very hard on everyone concerned. I don't have any answers I'm afraid, it would be a doddle looking after my dad if I did, haha. I can see how your mum doesn't want a stranger washing and dressing her, my mum was the same and my dad is too, but it's a tough one when you see how much they struggle and how easy things would be for them if only they'd give in. I think it's a case of just going with what your mum wants for now, there may come a time in the future when she'll have no choice but to accept it. The little cardigan is so cute, I think the fancy buttons just set it off, and how lovely do your stack of dishcloths look.

Jane said...

I'm a long time carer in a small, wonderful care home and I fully understand how hard it is for someone to feel they're giving up their independence. At our home we encourage our residents to self care, with oversight, as much as possible. They visit friends, have parties, in house entertainment, have trips out etc. Our residents don't have to worry about meals, drinks, medication, dr/hosp appointments, laundry etc as we do all that. This way they can maintain independence and live their own life in complete safety and this also removes the family's worries. People often only see the bad side of care homes on the news, but they can be wonderful places to live. It could be something to look into. Best, Jane x

Barb said...

I think the buttons just make that little sweater adorable! I have a dear friend whose mom turned 100 last year. They all(13 kids) take turns spending a week with her. Have you heard the term the sandwich generation? We have parents and kids to think and worry about. My last parent died a few years ago. It was my step-mom and she was in her 90's. It was hard at times with the worry. Now it is just my children and grand children.

butterfly said...

Lovely knitted baby jumper love the button idea .
Oh Maggie I had years of this first with my mother and then my dad , it's so
My dad would not have anyone in so it was left to me , being the only child .
Hubby would help to , but we were down at dads day and night in the end .
But after he got too bad the doctor done a test on his mind and sent him to hospital , and he escaped from there and after 10 weeks he went into a care home .
And that was not easy .
So I do understand how you are feeling .

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Hazel said...

That’s tough Maggie. It must be very hard on all of you. The knitted vest is beautiful. Take care hun x

Christine Hancock said...

Love the knitted tunic and the buttons suited it beautifully. I should knit dish cloths thank you for the idea as you said, doesn't take a lot of thought
that's what I need at the moment.

Julie said...

The buttons look very effective on the little jacket, so sweet.
It' so hard when parents age and you have independent and very adamant parents. I remember visits that always seemed to end with crossed words which was not helpful.
Take care Maggie, I hope you and your siblings can get a good balance with mum and things become easier for all.

Vickie said...

The cardigan is so very sweet Maggie.
I am so sorry for what you are going through with your Mum. I am fortunate that two of my brothers live with my Mom.

Carol said...

Oh, how darling is that cardigan, Maggie--love the two colors of buttons and I bet little Jacob looks adorable in it.

It is so hard dealing with aging parents... My mom will be 93 in May and my in-laws turn 92 this year. My mom is in a good state right now, but that could change at the drop of a hat at her age. I wish you luck--at least you are lucky enough to live nearby!

DJ said...

Aww, I've been in your shoes about care for your mother. You don't need to apologize for blogging about it, it's your blog, you get to pick the topic! I always found writing about things was cathartic, and also helped me sort through things in my mind. These decisions are so hard, she's a grown woman, you want to treat her with respect, on the other hand, she needs help she's not willing to accept. I'll pray for you that you find the solution. *Hugs* As for the beautiful sweater you knitted, I find the buttons perfect! It's so sweet and colorful! Well done!

Lowcarb team member said...

I love the cardigan and the buttons look wonderful.

It's not easy seeing parents age … my thoughts and good wishes are with you as you deal/sort things out as best you can.

All the best Jan



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